Halfway point

Radar sleeping as my arm goes numb trying to get this photo.

Have you ever woken up and realized that far more time has passed than you're comfortable admitting?

I don't mean suddenly sitting up in bed one morning and having an epiphany, I mean maybe you're sitting in a conversation and somebody says something that Stokes a point of thought or reflection in your mind. The last entry I made on here spoke to the amount of burnout that I was dealing with. Thankfully it seems that a good amount of that burnout has started to fall to the side. I had to come to terms with a lot of what went wrong in 2022, and how I wanted to approach it in a constructive way and build upon that.

As I'd mentioned before of course I go to therapy, and thankfully I also have access to a career coach.

It's allowed me a forum filled with the combination of interaction, intense self reflection, and then understanding that it's not so much procrastination as much as it is avoidance that I am putting myself through. Originally I was going to list out a whole bunch of things that were negative aspects I had to deal with, and although that might be a really good exercise for myself, I don't think it makes the best blog post. 

What I will focus on, is some of the positive things that have happened for me. The most important of which has been an honest start on organizing a lot of the overwhelming things I need to finish and accomplish so that I can move onwards professionally and personally. I'll go more into depth on those things in another post.

In other news, I recently was given an opportunity to speak on the subject of artificial intelligence and how it affects creatives, and lead a discussion about it with the attendees. 

The presentation was to a small and enthusiastic group of people that had a lot of questions, and a lot of input, which made for really enjoying and inspirational evening. What led to this was that I had created a one hour video of me reacting to working in the program Adobe Firefly some weeks prior. I was pleasantly surprised when a friend of mine who works at Adobe had shared that with his coworkers, this video in turn had led to me doing this talk on AI. It now looks like I might have an opportunity to go on the radio on KKFI possibly, and speak more about it. 

It's funny where life can take you and what you end up doing that isn't necessarily outside of your wheelhouse, but it's still unexpected. I've updated the page on here is showing the conventions and events I will be taking part in for the remainder of the year. There's still two or three events I'm waiting to hear back on, so fingers crossed I'll be able to get into those. 

Late nights and irregular hours have started to infiltrate my days again unfortunately. I know that's not good for my health but there's a lot of times when I feel like the only time I'm able to think is late at night. There's a lot of times my mood swings get the better of me, and I can find myself being impatient, annoyingly driven, and prone to moments of heavy self doubt. I think that can happen to anyone whenever life seems overwhelming. I used to think this was connected to having a midlife crisis, or maybe just getting through the COVID years, But I think it's a more general feeling that I found other people have as well. 

It's a feeling of aimlessness, questioning ones place in life, and even aspects of feeling isolated in one's thoughts. For a few months I'd wondered if I was ever going to blog again. I honestly didn't have a whole lot that I wanted to write about on here. But then I remembered how much my website and this blog in particular has remained an archive of memories for me, and many of the very kind comments that people have told me over the years. 

That led to me getting into the editor and starting to do some small updates on the website overall and then writing out this blog. It was also because I was working on my YouTube channel which yesterday was the 13 year anniversary of me having logged on to YouTube for the first time and started up this channel. That is so surreal to think about. I struggled for a long time to get followers and in the last few weeks I've managed to start growing once again. 

Granted I'm uploading videos a lot, it's been daily content for about 3 months now. I'm still learning and I'm doing what I can in lieu of the fact that I no longer have my Etsy store, and need to drive traffic to my gum road store and to any live events I'll be selling at. I think that's enough for now, I'm looking forward to doing reviews of shows and finishing up the reviews for the last three shows of 2022 that I never did publish. On that note quickly eventually the archives I have for past shows and events will be going away and they will be replaced with either publications or downloadable PDF files. There's a couple of reasons for this that I'll not get into right now, but I need to streamline this website and organize a lot of my older stuff.

Thank you so much for reading, I am Mario, the Artisan Rogue, and until next time, remember to support artists and local businesses. And if you liked what you've read, and want to support the blog, there's a donation button just below.

Be kind to your fellow beings and always take the path less traveled. We all may live in times uncertain, but kindness, understanding, and believing in the good that is in most each and every one of us is what can bring about better days!

- Mario, the Artisan Rogue
Illustrator, Voice Actor, Writer, Animal Rights Activist

-All photos, editorial content, created by me. One dude. Thank you for reading.-

www.theartisanrogue.com

After outcry, KC reinstates some of the cut Arts funding...

No. Mr. Mayor Lucas, no.

Still not enough. And many other efforts are still losing money. And considering that these allocations are in the low hundreds of thousands, compared to other city efforts and costs, they just don't measure up. People always talk a good game. They want the arts, they say they support the arts, but what does that actually even mean? The ideology that society could exist without the liberal arts, would be tantamount to embarrassing folly, and two mockeries of a sham. If not for the lack of an audience, or more specifically patrons that purchase, that truly support the livelihoods of the people working in non corporate/private sector aspects, it could be held that people in all creative walks could stand a chance to herald forth a defined reason to call Kansas City a creative city. It isn't, it hasn't been for a long time, if ever.

We love to tout a studio founded by Disney, that only survives by donation and grants. Everyone loves the crossroads because it's a social scene. I have met people that believe that creatives from musicians, to dancers, to painters, to poets, should just be grateful that they even got attention, or a forum to entertain the masses from.

The majority of arts fail because they are underfunded, misunderstood, misrepresented, underrepresented, or left to wallow in a stagnant pool of afterthought and obscurity.

Likes on social media, do not fund movements. They do not pay bills. They CAN help with awareness. They DO help engagement. They ARE just the beginning of any effort.

Arts programs of all kinds are left to the wayside because of the inability to take the power back. To be able to rise and make a stance on why indignation and remedial belief in what their inherent worth is, can best be represented by an umbilical cord made of flavor of the month promises.

Arts programs and creatives need to become self sustaining. The communities crying out for this, NEED to embrace the notion that just like any business, movement, or belief. Any of them can dry up and wither, without resolute and consistent support.

For every one of you that has dreams of creating, no matter what that may be, rise to it. Remember that you have a unique way of looking at life. That you have every right as a person to express that creative brilliance. To bring it out, to share it, to have people support you. When endeavors start up, support one another. When shows happen, do all you can to let others know, and attend them if you can. WE are the lifeblood of independent art movements. Not just the creatives, but the heartened supporters, the patrons, the people that want to see better things, new stories, and new visions come to life for themselves and those yet to come along.

- Mario, the Artisan Rogue
Illustrator, Voice Actor, Writer, Animal Rights Activist

www.theartisanrogue.com

Analysis Paralysis

You know those weeks that fly by, and before you know it, it's already mid-March, and you swear either some time/dimensional warp happened that sucked you in and made half of the days since January 1st just up and disappear? No? Is it just me that feels this way? Or is this a case of... Analysis Paralysis?

Time after time.

Well, the main reason I'm feeling this way is because I tend to really focus on time passage by major events. I think most everyone does that, but I have this annoying tendency to KNOW that perhaps I have a show that requires more than a bit of preparation to get ready for. Regardless of how far out said show may be, there has been on my part, a lot of hesitation.

I've gone in depth on this before, I attribute it to either very real burn out, or maybe a general malaise that hovers over my creative output. It isn't new territory, nor is it entirely avoidable, at least not in my experience. But the key here I am looking for, is the one that unlocks any of the doors that hold a person within the rooms of self doubt that we have built.

One part of me wonders if it's not this very moment that I should be drawing inspiration from, and indeed a lot of my current creative efforts have gravitated back towards darker themes incorporating loss, emptiness, some ethereal environments, or in some cases, more familiar and "safer" subject matters. How to make sure that no matter which direction the fulcrum in life decides to move towards, that I am still able to find it within me to push forward and believe in my own creations.

Analysis Paralysis is absolutely part if not the entirety the problem for me.

Analysis Paralysis

The term above is pretty self explanatory, but as all encompassing as it is, it can also be intrinsically scrupulous and divisive in how it can affect someone.

In my case, I tend to get overwhelmed by too many options, leading to overcomplicating the decision at hand. With that, the compulsion to want the perfect decision, and holding off doing so until I've done enough "research", is almost always the next hurdle.

Round that out with the unease of making what could be a wrong decision, and there's a perfect mix that blends into the paralysis.

Any of the above sound familiar? More people go through that, then you realize, even the most seemingly successful individuals.

Get back your Get Up and Go.

So this is all great and dandy, but now that I'm more than aware of this happening to me, what can I do about it?

Well thankfully there are some steps that I've started doing that may be able to help anyone else out that is going through this.

You can always opt to get counseling if you have the resources to do so. Making time to face these factors is important every step of the way, so make time in your day. You'd be surprised how many times we chip away at time in our lives on pointless things.

1. Decision Making: This one comes down to a lot of variables, but at it's base I do this. I look at the choice I have to make and decide it's a major or minor one. Annoyingly that can take longer than I'd like, but I force myself to dive in and use as much logic as I can to figure out where the outcome of that choice will fall. 
2. Looking back is great, just don't stare: Seriously, this one is probably one of the worst because it means I consistently review past efforts and mistakes. I have taken cathartic measures like blogging/vlogging, boxing, playing video games, or reading, ANYTHING, to get my mind off of past things. That's not to say you should not learn or understand new things from past moments. That is absolutely what you should do. But don't dwell on them!
3. Perfection does not exist: Most people wait for this, unattainable "perfect" moment to dive into anything from making videos, to writing, you name it. I tend to blame the evolution of our dare I say dependency and addiction to the curated virtual self we manicure for social media. It's taken me some time, but I have begun to realize that the more I make, the more I do towards that virtually impossible perfection, the better I will get. It's a great inspirational goal to shoot for, just understand that even if you achieve "perfection" in a song, a work of illustration, or whatever else you would designate as your ultimate output..., would you ever be able to do it consistently or everytime? And even if you COULD, would you want it to be as such? We as humans, thrive on challenge, look for new and exciting stimulus. But we also can be insecure, full of failure fear, notoriously jealous, or even perhaps embarrassed about our humble starting efforts at anything. God forbid anyone else see us fail. The fact is that people rarely will remember all the bad things, but they will be there to celebrate the good and the great. Don't believe me? Go ask any Instagram lifestyle blogger. Or ask any Twitch streamer. Or I don't know, anyone who has ever tried to make it.
4. Goals!: I cannot overstate this enough. They are easy to lose sight of. They can seem so far away and limiting. They won't be always achieved easily. But you do need them. Goals. Short, Long, Alternate, and Hopeful. They tend to run hand in hand with the wise Yoda words of "Do or Do Not! There is no try!" Take the time to understand what you want to be. Yeah it's cool to say you are a jack of all trades. Everyone wants to video live stream, do art, do sculpture, have a massive Instagram following, and have a life, make money, do every show under the sun and make money doing it, all while trying to do everything from taxes, to self discovery and reflection. It is almost impossible to do it all and make them all good if not great. I know, I've tried. And I had to realize that I have to get better at my goals, before I watch them deflate and float by like a sad sinking inner tube on the stream of life. 
5. It's all about You: So this last one may seem easy. But it's probably the hardest one to do for the majority of people out there.
   
   Believe in yourself-- accept the flaws, the fears, the insecurities, the anxieties, the mistakes, and all of that.
   
   Then either figure out how to work with them, overcome them, or ignore them.
   
   Never have two sentences held so much impossibility than just now. Or so it may seem. Look, when it comes down to it. The incredible dichotomy of modern life is that we live in a day and age where more information and by proxy, communication outreach is available for us to learn how to fix the issues we encounter, or at least begin to understand them. I'm not saying believe in WebMD, I'm saying look at all of the good and bad that is out there. Decide which part of that you want to be a part of, realize that so many others are in some of the same places you are mentally and emotionally. Not one of us is perfect. And that's okay. And when you take that knowledge and apply it to the very things that hold us back, you may find that you had the keys all along. 

So if there is anything to take from all this, it's that we all go through this sort of thing. I've yet to meet anyone that doesn't. That does not make you broken. It does mean you have room to grow and become the person you WANT to be. 

I have Naka-Kon coming up this weekend. So if you're out and about, you can find me there!

Until next time, support your local artists and businesses. Be kind to your fellow beings and always take the path less traveled. We all may live in times uncertain, but kindness, understanding, and believing in the good that is in most each and every one of us is what can bring about better days!

- Mario, the Artisan Rogue
Illustrator, Voice Actor, Writer, Animal Rights Activist

www.theartisanrogue.com

Taking some downtime while I've been staying up.

Original image by Benjamin Wink.

The last few weeks have been quiet while I work on some various projects, and have been taking the time to update aspects of my social media. One of the videos I started working on was a mini behind the scenes of when I was making the Topsy Bot cart mini figs, that were given away on Agony Wolf Media's live Twitch stream.

The whole run just before they left the studio some months back.

Aside from working on a myriad amount of videos for an upcoming show (more on that later), and catching up on some client work, it's been a pretty quiet if normal set of weeks. I did end up going to Stealthcon for a while to hang out with some friends, and picked up a few things while at the show.

As I'd mentioned earlier, I opted out of shows for the remainder of the year so I could focus on my efforts to create more new work. With one or two exceptions, I may be taking off all of 2019 as well from doing shows. But anything is possible, and I think most of it is because I started working out the challenges and time that is owed to the efforts I was to see realized, and while working a few part time jobs to make ends meet, time is a premium I can't waste.

Until next time, have a happy new years eve, and be safe! Support your local artists, be kind to your fellow beings, and always take the path less traveled!

- Mario, the Artisan Rogue
Illustrator, Voice Actor, Writer, Animal Rights Activist

www.theartisanrogue.com