I had gotten off of work at the bar, I remember it was about 4 am or so. There is a grocery store that stays open 24 hours near my neighborhood, so I stopped by there to get my shopping for the week done so I'd not have to mess with it later on Sunday.
I was always known for wearing a lot of gear and body armor when I worked my night shift. Believe it or not, though the majority of it was because of personal safety, a good portion of it (taking a cue from Batman) was for psychological effect. People, when inebriated, are far less prone to want to mess with you if you look more prepared, or like someone that should be taken seriously/not trifled with. It was not out of ego, it was out of the very real position of safety and self preservation when I often had to walk to my vehicle after work when people we'd thrown out were on the streets at times.
Now, understand, that the people at the grocery store never looked at my any differently as they knew I worked late night security, but I never really was spoken to much by any of the other late night patrons when there were any. So suffice to say that I was surprised when I was approached by a fellow seemingly about my age, whom I had noticed but assumed he would not say anything to me.
He came up slowly saying, "Hey sir, evening sir... " I looked up directly at him, and still had that adrenaline feeling in me (from an altercation that had happened perhaps two hours earlier at the bar), so I must have looked a bit riled.
"Yo, man, I'm not the enemy, bro." he said.
"Can I help you?" I asked.
He seemed to be on edge, a little nervous.
"Sir, if you could help me out... I... have you got a bit of change you could spare?" he asked. He looked directly at me, and it didn't seem like there was any sort of deviance in his eyes.
Now, I'd just gotten off of work. I had a small extra payout of $10 in my pocket, and about $21 extra that I had to use on groceries. Mind you, at this point, I was working on a limited budget. Art sales were slow, working late nights at that point had really begun to take it's toll on me as a person... no patience, no sympathy... (now that I look back at that time, I really didn't like myself that much). BUT, there was something in this guy's voice, something that harkened me back to some really low points in my life, when I was going through a rough patch, and how some people in my life had taken the chances to help me out.
"Um,... look man. I know things are tough, but I tell you what. Let me go get what groceries I need and I'll give you what I have left." I said to him.
"Alright man, thank you." he replied.
"You alright?" I asked him, as he was still acting a bit odd, skittish really.
"Yeah. I'm just trying to stay out of the camera angle for the parking lot. They keep calling the cops on me. I was just trying to catch a nap over on the soil bags." he explained.
There was no whining, nothing more than a matter of fact sort of tone that lined his reply.
As I was inside, I kept thinking about the fact that I had other food at home, that I could make it until Friday with just one or two other things. I must have wandered for about 15 minutes in there, just thinking.
I felt torn, as believe me, there are professional pan handlers all over KC, especially downtown. I got to know a few. There are also truly people that are down on their luck.
I went and got him an 8 bottle pack of water, two sandwiches from the deli area, and a large bag of chips. After I got through checkout, I had right around eleven dollars left.
I walked out, still questioning if I was making a big mistake. I mean chances were, this guy might get pissed at me and maybe just take the cash to use on stupid shit. Sometimes when you see the underbelly of the ugliness of people on weekends, you begin to stigmatize everyone with hateful notions.
As I walked out, I caught him in the corner of my eye, over by the soil bags gathering some stuff into
a sling bag. He saw me, and walked over as I started to say "Hey man,... what's your name?"
He told me his name, but what happened next made me forget it.
"Look, here you go, I got you some food and some bottled water," I started to say, "and here's the change. It's only elev..."
And he grasped my hand that had the bag in it with a grip that was iron strong, covering it with his second hand. My mind reeled, and I tried to step back, as confused mental warnings fired off, but then looking up, the surprise in my mind gave way to stunned silence as my eyes met his. Tears were in his eyes.
"Thank you. Thank you man." he said quietly.
I just looked at him. I think we stood there for a few minutes, but I could tell you every facial feature on him to a T. The should length dreads, his yellow shirt with a soccer ball on it. The contrast of his dark skin and scarred knuckles against my gloved hand that held the bag.
"I just wanted to have something to eat."
I said it was no big deal. I remember he said something else, but I cannot recall what that was either now.
As I walked back towards my truck, I said something like hang in there, or some insane shit that should never be said to a homeless hungry man. I mean, what can you hang on to? And then it hit me that maybe he hung on to hope.
Hope.
Hope that another could help him out. Hope that maybe tomorrow would be a bit better than the last.
I have never, and will never forget that man. A part of me hopes to run across him someday, but I probably never will. I don't know his story, but he is eternally part of mine.
This holiday, remember and think of those that quietly suffer. That on cold nights need warmth. On long days need a bit of relief. And everyday, need nourishment.
Merry Christmas to you all. Be the best you can, do the best you can. This world is full of bad things and even worse people so many of it's days.
But we can honestly make a difference.
-Mario, the Artisan Rogue
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